Pay it forward

I was watching this show. Title: Pay it forward. Stars Kevin Spacey, Helen Hunt, Haley Joel Osment.

Its abt when a teacher assigns his class to think of an idea to change the world, one of his students comes up with an idea which will change thousands of lives.

The boy came up with a plan call Pay it forward. THe theory of it is that u help 3 people without asking for payback.(Thats why the name pay it forward. All gratitude is to pass the love to the next person whom you think needs help and they are unable to help themselves. Not passing it back to the person who help you. THe main purpose is to move forward not backward.) In turn, this 3 people will help another 3 people each and spread the love.

With this theory, the love will spread to wider group of people and change lots more people lives.


I like this theory. Alot of people of current society do not do anything much to help others (strangers, not people whom you know and/or related to you). But i have to admit that even i do not spread the love around much. Keeping to myself most of the time. Not bothering to spread the love and help the others. I'm getting more and more selfish and I keep questioning myself. I dun like the current me. In terms of personality and characteristics. I really dun like. Where is the naive old me? The one that sees the good in others and believe in them. The one that is more simpler and do not think too much or care for much. Maybe I should sit down and think over stuff.. I have to tell myself to be more generous and to be more forgiving to others. I dun like me to be so selfish and so unforgiving.

I think i really need to sit down and think over my life. What i have been thru, the choices i have make and the path i have taken.


- Lovecafe

To Let Go

Its official. He has rejected my offer to add as friend in facebook. I saw him (mention in my earlier post) in facebook. Bloody fucker and coward.

How i know he has rejected my offer? Very easy. When i checked his profile, the link of "add as frend" is active which means he has rejected my offer that's why that link is active. If he has done nothing, that link will be dead as it will be still pending.

Sigh. Expected his action. I have cried my heart out over little things these days (affected by his re-surfacing.)And I dun intend to be affected by him anymore. If he can be so unfeeling, I guess i dun have to be saint. I have decided to let go - my love towards him and any feelings towards him. I guess I wont be able to hate him. No matter what, hate needs energy to do so and I dun hate him (really). Only thing is that I am pissed off with him for being a coward and not man enough to stand out and make things clear instead of hanging it in the air. He can't even be friends even though we are no longer together. Guess he is very similar to Naz. I should have seen that earlier and not add him as friend.

From today onwards, I will live my life my way and not get affected by love anymore. I will stand on my own and curve my own career path and life. Strive in work and business, slimming down (which i'm doing now.) Enjoy myself in sports and occassionally join the facebook group in their outings and activities for singles.

I will be strong and enjoy myself.

*FUCK HIM OFF*

- lovecafe

Emotional

Recently, thru a friend, i saw signs of life online from him. Everything was okie until then. I tot i no longer will be affected by him emotionally. I tot that I have recovered from whatever emotions from him. But I was wrong.

Everything little thing i get emotional.I cried over little thing. But luckily I was strong in front of my family. Non of them suspected anything. And I do not want them to be suspicious of anything. Cos I do not want them to ask my qns. We finish more than 2 yrs ago but he is still in my heart. I do not have any feelings for him anymore (I think) but when i see him showing signs of life again, I get emotional again. Damned. I really dun like this kind of feeling cos I will tend to cry over little thing and over many things. I dun like this kind of heartache as well. I really dun like. It hurts alot.

I have always tell myself to stay happy and positive. Else I will have depression long ago. I know myself. If I dun tell myself to stay positive and happy, I would have ended my life long ago and I dispise this kind of thinkings. To end one's life is the most cowardy way to escape from problems. It doesnt solve the problems but add more problems to others who are clearing your shit after you are gone. My family have enough on their hands to clear my shit for me.

I just want to know what makes him leave so suddenly and quietly.Else it will always gnaw my heart. I will always think that its my fault that he left me. That I have done something wrong to make him leave me. I begin to understand how the children of divorced family feels like. They feel that its their fault that the parents are divorced. And for me, I feel that its my fault that he has to leave me. That i have done someting really unacceptable to him that he cant maintain this relationship anymore. At least for Tiago, he spoke out uprite and clear the air with Naz before initiating a break up. But Marb was a coward and not man enough to stand his ground and make his intention clear. I'm not sure. I just confused and pissed that I say those. But who knows the actual him.

I hate this kind of crying and emotions over little thing. It really affecting my life and work. I have not cry this much and hard even when he disappear. Why does his re-appearance actually affected me so much?Do I really still love him?

-Lovecafe

My Job

I'm on MC today due to diarrhoe and swollen eyes. My mum told me that if I continue to be sick so often, it will hard to keep my job. *Shocked and scared* Thou I'm truely sick but whoever heard this kind of talk will get the shock of their life as well.

She told me that my work is not so smooth this year. SHe told me to be more careful. I know cos i personally experience the un-smoothness of my job. sigh... It seems that most of my jobs can never be finish without anyone making comments that its not done properly or delayed. I tried my best. But i guess just not good enough.

I must stop listening to music and concentrate more on job.. sigh.. Now I'm on the verge of freaking out myself.........


-Lovecafe

Volleyball!!! (Beach and Court)

Ohh... I started my volleyball like i say i will... hehehe... The players that I play with are way more professional than me... sigh.. And i am the worst player of them... Hahaha... But i really enjoy myself.. I guess I have to start with beach Volleyball soon... Anwar has been telling me to join him in beach volleyball but i told him after CNY(which is now!!) so I guess i have to make time for beach volleyball.....


I sign up for kickboxing but the admin of SRC told me that till today not enough people so the class has not confirm yet.. By next fri, when she call me hopefully the class is going to start.....

My plan to slim down seems to have alot of hiccups.. 1st of all, I enjoy my food so much that I cant seems to stop or control myself. 2nd of all, my exercise plan seems not to be working much... argh!!!!! I have to focus and get myself to slim down cos I want to play beach volleyball in bikinis and not in tees...

My new goal again (actually my old goal..hehe) is to SLIM DOWN!!!!! wahahah...


I realise that CT seems not to like me cos sometimes when eating breakfast, she sits infront of me, i notice that she was looking at me. I have no idea why.. and when i ask her for help, there was once she actually show her fustrations to me. I guess I must be too sensitive. But anyway, I have not been working before CNY and now I am concentrating and more focus. So as long as HC notice that I am working and converts me to permanent at the end of my contract, I am okie with everything.


- Lovecafe

Its been so long!!

Its really has been so long. I have been in this company for 1 yr. Till now, I'm still contract staff there but i learn alot of things in terms of HR.. Of cos, I wish to be permanent. But do i get the chance???

My last post was in 7th Sept 2008.. Alot of new associates join and left my company... When will it be my turn to be converted to permanent? Will i ever have the chance?

My dept has an irritating guy who join as HR Executive. At 1st, I dun feel anything and my 2 "uplines" were giving him the cold shoulder until the ultimate upline came back from her holidays and everything goes back to normal. Then my turn to be irritated by him.. I find him fake and boot licker... And i did not hesitate to let him knows that I am irritated by him. And his assistant is sometimes irritating as well. Every guy that i talk to will have to be linked romantically in her opinion. It get to my nerves most of time and she's more than 40yrs old. Please grow up and stop being so childish!!!! I told her so and hopefully she dun say those stupid things again.

Sigh, The more i talked abt it the more irritated i am abt her.. really cant stand her...... ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


- Lovecafe

Living your dreams

I was watching the Disney Channel and I saw "Living your dreams" by The Jonas Brothers. That's 1 verse that catches my ear. Live your dreams while we live ours.. How true.. Their dreams is to become artiste and they ahve. And my dreams?? To earn my 1st $10,000 when i reach 31yrs old.

Yah, i know.. Alot of people will say that $10,000 is nothing. But I'm 29this yr.. going to be 30 next january. I'm debt ridden and I dun earn much. If I want to earn that amt, I have to take the 1st step and do something. I started business with friends. Nothing comes in... It takes time for a business to take off but not like what I'm doing. Maybe I'm being impatient but ...

I realise that i did not put in enough effort to reach my dreams... I have been delaying, procrastinating... All sorts that dun get my any nearer to my dreams.... So I decided...

Slogan: Do your best and dun worry abt the rest.


Ha... another saying from Disney Channel. No wonder its good for Children.. >P

Anyway, I will prolly be sticking with that slogan and hopefully it will bring me to somewhere else where i will be 1 step nearer to my dreams.......



- Lovecafe